Thursday, April 22, 2010

4/20 Comes and Blows

So, happy day, that special day that was days ago. I huffed-and-puffed with some good folks and all was well.

I feel so darned pleasant right now. I've been picturing myself as a sturdy sapling with strong, wandering roots, yearning/learning to grow tall, wide, and flexible, composting old shit as fertilizer for growth.

Lots of busy busy going on. I'm surprising myself constantly these days. With income comes the opportunity for more creative pursuits. Plus, getting back into school. I visit my cantankerous grandmere for the first time in years, and she offers to pay for whatever. How blessedly awesome is that? Holistic animal medicine, here I come. Haha. Oh, I'm not kidding.

New memories, new friends, new good times ahead. And, hopefully, some traveling!

Ooh, and I sold a new ring on Etsy! One of my most favorites; simple, but potent. Wish I had more supplies, I'm all inspired by the magick in the air. I'm kissing bushes and tree trunks, singing nonsense into the night air, savoring the glow of the waxing moon.

Also: guilty pleasures. Re: Project Runway finale. Subject: Well, okay then.

Um, more... Updating? More updating to come!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

A Few Quotes

So it's the new moon in Aries, that's a big push for renewal & strength, but boy, there sure is a lot going on for me -- I'm updating my Etsy shop for the first time in ages! I joined Handmade Philly! And a Witches Meetup! I've been exercising & getting out for 6am runs, which was wildly intimidating at first. Plus, I've just scored the job interview of my dreams (the work involves exotic animals) and then there's the big party to-dos later that I can't freaking wait for. New friends! Good food! Smoke sessions! Still need to sew up some presents. Not gonna lie, the days are still topsy-turvy, there's still a sorrow in my heart, but I'm starting a new love affair with 2010. Hopefully the world doesn't end before I really start going, ha. Um.

Anyway, in lieu of more substantial material, here's some quotation goodness:

Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning, a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.
— Bruce Lee (THE Bruce Lee? Sweet.)

First there is a mountain. Then there is no mountain. Then there is.
— Zen koan

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
— Kahlil Gibran

No matter how painful [an] ordeal may be, it must be treated as an adventure. Keep in mind that, up until this point, every ordeal’s purpose has been to prepare you for the kind of life you are now living. See where current circumstances are leading you, and how they are changing your life, and use this information to find out where you are going. It is an honor to know that you have been worthy of instruction. Remember that you placed yourself where you are now. Remember the ancient dictum: “I will interpret every phenomenon as a particular dealing of God with my Soul.”
— Gerald del Campo

I'd never encountered the last quote until today, but it's awesome when unexpected things reaffirm how you've been feeling all along. Like, yeah, I'm on a path here. Not the prettiest, not the most extravagant, but still dazzling for its being mine.

(quotes via dedroidify, via Living with Magick)

Saturday, April 10, 2010

The Best Revenge

The pendulum swings both ways. There are black holes, there are white holes. Leaves fall, new leaves grow. The birds fly south, the birds fly back. In other words...

Fantastic things are in the works. Like, life-changing shits. On the heels of the most maddening, saddening bullshit in my puny life, there's suddenly the potential to sprout like I ain't never sprouted. Grow how I ain't never grown. One person's loss is another person's gain.

In a weird way, I especially thank my neurotic fixation with Project Runway Season 2 for getting me through. "She said Andraaae, what's the matter with Andraeee?" will always make me laugh. It struck a chord, tickled my feathers, reminded me of the awesome year I spent at Pratt. My self-doubt prematurely ended my college run in Brooklyn, and I wish I'd never left. Can't change shit now, but oh goddess, I wish I'd stayed at Pratt.


And soon, there will be more talk of arts and crafts, as there should be. More talk of the fantastic, of the beastly, of the magickal.

Big happenings.

Saturday, April 3, 2010


So, time goes on.

Inconceivable, but inevitable?

Time's going on, carrying me along, and there are bright spots on the trail. Brighter spots than darker spots, a peculiar evolution for me. And this is all about evolution, this time.

I'm not changing, I'm evolving, which may amount to the same, but I'm particular to the idea of evolution. It's taking what's happened and growing because of that, growing because what's happened has happened. Right.

I've never been so devastated. Or maybe I have, but I forgot. This could be a positive sign. If it didn't hurt so much. Which it won't, not always.

Time goes on.

I had hopes that the love would keep us together, not TOGETHERtogether, but in agreement. But in the end, you can't fix a broken love like a broken chair. The chair doesn't care, whether it's broke or it ain't. But a person doesn't always want to fix, to repair, to reconnect, to relive. Of two people, both have to want the same goal. A person isn't a chair, isn't a tool, isn't always in need of repair.

I am, though. In need. For my own good.

I understand all of this. I'm evolving into someone who understands. It's shocking, really. I'm sure I haven't felt the worst of it, but that's a part of growing and healing. Denial, then recognition... And so it goes.

This spring and summer will be the most eventful in years. And it's all because of me, because I accepted the challenge to step outside of myself while also feeling my self in her purest state. Alone, unknown. Grateful?

Thankfully -- honestly, thank the Goddess thankfully -- I've discovered that I have friends, I have family. I have others who will open their arms for me. It's not a lot, but it's enough, you know?

So, on the 2010 itinerary:

1. Becoming an unofficial herbalist with her own herb garden
2. Developing a crafty business with new crafty friends
3. Attending every damn craft fair I can with said crafty friends
4. Starting a "womanist musings"-type group blog
5. Partying with new trippy, hippie-type friends at various gatherings
6. Perfecting my physical self with some ass-kicking... and Pilates
7. Taking a trip up to NY to commune with other Wiccan-minded folks
8. Working, working, working on earning money in a spiffy new job
9. Getting back to school, most likely for massage training -- hey, it rules
10. Going to any kinda group meet-up I can, for fun or for therapy
11. Moving (back) out of my mom's into a group house filled with activity and life
12. Loving myself in this great big unknown
13. And so forth and so on

Anyway, it feels good to remind myself of what I can do, what I will do.

D, if you ever read this: thank you. For the love, the hurt, the goodbye, the eternities cloaked in moments.

So it goes, now it's gone.