Saturday, April 3, 2010


So, time goes on.

Inconceivable, but inevitable?

Time's going on, carrying me along, and there are bright spots on the trail. Brighter spots than darker spots, a peculiar evolution for me. And this is all about evolution, this time.

I'm not changing, I'm evolving, which may amount to the same, but I'm particular to the idea of evolution. It's taking what's happened and growing because of that, growing because what's happened has happened. Right.

I've never been so devastated. Or maybe I have, but I forgot. This could be a positive sign. If it didn't hurt so much. Which it won't, not always.

Time goes on.

I had hopes that the love would keep us together, not TOGETHERtogether, but in agreement. But in the end, you can't fix a broken love like a broken chair. The chair doesn't care, whether it's broke or it ain't. But a person doesn't always want to fix, to repair, to reconnect, to relive. Of two people, both have to want the same goal. A person isn't a chair, isn't a tool, isn't always in need of repair.

I am, though. In need. For my own good.

I understand all of this. I'm evolving into someone who understands. It's shocking, really. I'm sure I haven't felt the worst of it, but that's a part of growing and healing. Denial, then recognition... And so it goes.

This spring and summer will be the most eventful in years. And it's all because of me, because I accepted the challenge to step outside of myself while also feeling my self in her purest state. Alone, unknown. Grateful?

Thankfully -- honestly, thank the Goddess thankfully -- I've discovered that I have friends, I have family. I have others who will open their arms for me. It's not a lot, but it's enough, you know?

So, on the 2010 itinerary:

1. Becoming an unofficial herbalist with her own herb garden
2. Developing a crafty business with new crafty friends
3. Attending every damn craft fair I can with said crafty friends
4. Starting a "womanist musings"-type group blog
5. Partying with new trippy, hippie-type friends at various gatherings
6. Perfecting my physical self with some ass-kicking... and Pilates
7. Taking a trip up to NY to commune with other Wiccan-minded folks
8. Working, working, working on earning money in a spiffy new job
9. Getting back to school, most likely for massage training -- hey, it rules
10. Going to any kinda group meet-up I can, for fun or for therapy
11. Moving (back) out of my mom's into a group house filled with activity and life
12. Loving myself in this great big unknown
13. And so forth and so on

Anyway, it feels good to remind myself of what I can do, what I will do.

D, if you ever read this: thank you. For the love, the hurt, the goodbye, the eternities cloaked in moments.

So it goes, now it's gone.

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