Fantastic Beasts

presenting... the toolkit for 2011

2010-12-22T08:32:00.001-08:00

backpage-spreadcf,
originally uploaded by beastsfantastic.

Hurrah! After many other people worked super hard, the 2011 Toolkit is now ready to change the world! Or at least, to help it stay organized.

This is the backpage spread I submitted. I started with two illustrations of which I'm quite fond, then realized I had no idea what to do for text... After a bit of brainstorming about self-help and cryptozoology, I decided to combine the two and this nerdy randomness was born.

Yeah, I don't know either. But it feels right.

Thanks to the brains and brawn behind the Toolkit and thanks to RECLAIM for makin' print magic.

Man, it's been years since any of my art/design was used in an awesome project, so I'm immensely grateful and delighted and stupid-giddy, like I won the lottery or something. Yeah, it's sweet. It's just super uplifting that I can set goals and achieve them. And to be a part of something involving so many other super talented folks, totally a dream come true. Good goddess, I am stoked.

To transition from the awful muck of earlier 2010 to a blessed kinda-new beginning... I'm so glad to be a part of it.

Have a happy week everyone/anyone reading this! Merry happy!

Hello from here

2010-12-21T19:35:00.000-08:00

Hello again, or, for the first time.

So it's almost a whole new year. Different circumstances, familiar rhythm. Life unwinding.

Speaking of life, I'm going to attempt to update this here space semi-regularly with inspirational, motivational, and personal tidbits. I'm a wee embarrassed by some of the previous posts, though I don't want to erase them. It was all quite constructive, but I don't think I'll be sorting my shit out on the interweb again. Unless I do, but it won't be here.

I'd rather talk of the lovely, dark, and deep here. Myth and magic, creativity and spirituality, arts and crafts. Fantastic beasts, y'know.

Speaking of fantastic beasts... I recently had some illustrations and a weird self-help guide published in a monthly planner that's printed here in Philadelphia. So that's awesome.

Yeah. Here's to a blessedly soul-stirring year with ambitions stretched, goals achieved, and passion renewed.

Goodness to all.

A Bit Later

2010-10-05T13:42:00.000-07:00

Wow. Amazing what can happen in a few months. :)

4/20 Comes and Blows

2010-04-22T21:19:00.000-07:00

So, happy day, that special day that was days ago. I huffed-and-puffed with some good folks and all was well.

I feel so darned pleasant right now. I've been picturing myself as a sturdy sapling with strong, wandering roots, yearning/learning to grow tall, wide, and flexible, composting old shit as fertilizer for growth.

Lots of busy busy going on. I'm surprising myself constantly these days. With income comes the opportunity for more creative pursuits. Plus, getting back into school. I visit my cantankerous grandmere for the first time in years, and she offers to pay for whatever. How blessedly awesome is that? Holistic animal medicine, here I come. Haha. Oh, I'm not kidding.

New memories, new friends, new good times ahead. And, hopefully, some traveling!

Ooh, and I sold a new ring on Etsy! One of my most favorites; simple, but potent. Wish I had more supplies, I'm all inspired by the magick in the air. I'm kissing bushes and tree trunks, singing nonsense into the night air, savoring the glow of the waxing moon.

Also: guilty pleasures. Re: Project Runway finale. Subject: Well, okay then.

Um, more... Updating? More updating to come!

A Few Quotes

2010-04-14T09:36:00.000-07:00

So it's the new moon in Aries, that's a big push for renewal & strength, but boy, there sure is a lot going on for me -- I'm updating my Etsy shop for the first time in ages! I joined Handmade Philly! And a Witches Meetup! I've been exercising & getting out for 6am runs, which was wildly intimidating at first. Plus, I've just scored the job interview of my dreams (the work involves exotic animals) and then there's the big party to-dos later that I can't freaking wait for. New friends! Good food! Smoke sessions! Still need to sew up some presents. Not gonna lie, the days are still topsy-turvy, there's still a sorrow in my heart, but I'm starting a new love affair with 2010. Hopefully the world doesn't end before I really start going, ha. Um.

Anyway, in lieu of more substantial material, here's some quotation goodness:

Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning, a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.
— Bruce Lee (THE Bruce Lee? Sweet.)

First there is a mountain. Then there is no mountain. Then there is.
— Zen koan

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
— Kahlil Gibran

No matter how painful [an] ordeal may be, it must be treated as an adventure. Keep in mind that, up until this point, every ordeal’s purpose has been to prepare you for the kind of life you are now living. See where current circumstances are leading you, and how they are changing your life, and use this information to find out where you are going. It is an honor to know that you have been worthy of instruction. Remember that you placed yourself where you are now. Remember the ancient dictum: “I will interpret every phenomenon as a particular dealing of God with my Soul.”
— Gerald del Campo

I'd never encountered the last quote until today, but it's awesome when unexpected things reaffirm how you've been feeling all along. Like, yeah, I'm on a path here. Not the prettiest, not the most extravagant, but still dazzling for its being mine.

(quotes via dedroidify, via Living with Magick)

The Best Revenge

2010-04-10T19:59:00.001-07:00

The pendulum swings both ways. There are black holes, there are white holes. Leaves fall, new leaves grow. The birds fly south, the birds fly back. In other words...

Fantastic things are in the works. Like, life-changing shits. On the heels of the most maddening, saddening bullshit in my puny life, there's suddenly the potential to sprout like I ain't never sprouted. Grow how I ain't never grown. One person's loss is another person's gain.

In a weird way, I especially thank my neurotic fixation with Project Runway Season 2 for getting me through. "She said Andraaae, what's the matter with Andraeee?" will always make me laugh. It struck a chord, tickled my feathers, reminded me of the awesome year I spent at Pratt. My self-doubt prematurely ended my college run in Brooklyn, and I wish I'd never left. Can't change shit now, but oh goddess, I wish I'd stayed at Pratt.

Anyway.

And soon, there will be more talk of arts and crafts, as there should be. More talk of the fantastic, of the beastly, of the magickal.

Big happenings.

Updates

2010-04-03T17:14:00.001-07:00

So, time goes on.

Inconceivable, but inevitable?

Time's going on, carrying me along, and there are bright spots on the trail. Brighter spots than darker spots, a peculiar evolution for me. And this is all about evolution, this time.

I'm not changing, I'm evolving, which may amount to the same, but I'm particular to the idea of evolution. It's taking what's happened and growing because of that, growing because what's happened has happened. Right.

I've never been so devastated. Or maybe I have, but I forgot. This could be a positive sign. If it didn't hurt so much. Which it won't, not always.

Time goes on.

I had hopes that the love would keep us together, not TOGETHERtogether, but in agreement. But in the end, you can't fix a broken love like a broken chair. The chair doesn't care, whether it's broke or it ain't. But a person doesn't always want to fix, to repair, to reconnect, to relive. Of two people, both have to want the same goal. A person isn't a chair, isn't a tool, isn't always in need of repair.

I am, though. In need. For my own good.

I understand all of this. I'm evolving into someone who understands. It's shocking, really. I'm sure I haven't felt the worst of it, but that's a part of growing and healing. Denial, then recognition... And so it goes.

This spring and summer will be the most eventful in years. And it's all because of me, because I accepted the challenge to step outside of myself while also feeling my self in her purest state. Alone, unknown. Grateful?

Thankfully -- honestly, thank the Goddess thankfully -- I've discovered that I have friends, I have family. I have others who will open their arms for me. It's not a lot, but it's enough, you know?

So, on the 2010 itinerary:

1. Becoming an unofficial herbalist with her own herb garden
2. Developing a crafty business with new crafty friends
3. Attending every damn craft fair I can with said crafty friends
4. Starting a "womanist musings"-type group blog
5. Partying with new trippy, hippie-type friends at various gatherings
6. Perfecting my physical self with some ass-kicking... and Pilates
7. Taking a trip up to NY to commune with other Wiccan-minded folks
8. Working, working, working on earning money in a spiffy new job
9. Getting back to school, most likely for massage training -- hey, it rules
10. Going to any kinda group meet-up I can, for fun or for therapy
11. Moving (back) out of my mom's into a group house filled with activity and life
12. Loving myself in this great big unknown
13. And so forth and so on

Anyway, it feels good to remind myself of what I can do, what I will do.

D, if you ever read this: thank you. For the love, the hurt, the goodbye, the eternities cloaked in moments.

So it goes, now it's gone.

Ending, Beginning, Both the Same

2010-03-19T09:17:00.000-07:00

I keep telling myself it's "understandable" or "it's natural" and it seems to help. Even landslides and earthquakes and tsunamis are natural. Understandable.

Change, turmoil, devastation. Rebirth, renewal. Nature is nothing if not ever-changing. Thus, change is purely natural. Anyway.

The lonely room I find myself in, it's comfortable and it's safe. I've lived my life unthinkingly, for the most part, and I was so terrified of change that I boxed myself into the exact situation I've dreaded.

What DO you do when you've lost touch with friends and family? Lost your job and your lease? Lost your relationship with a person you esteemed and loved more than was bearable at times?

I don't have a fucking clue or I would've been prepared for all of this. Basically, I'm telling myself until I believe it that change is natural. Even if it really fucking hurts. Being open to change is freedom. It's why nature doesn't stress itself out when transitioning from summer to fall, it just goes with the flow. It's all connected anyway. This is what I'm learning to hold as my truth, rather than the truth that said we'd be in love forever because it was meant to be. No, the truth is like the natural world, I suspect. Ebb and flow. Wax and wane. Destruction and reconstruction.

If it weren't for a few choice herbs, though, I doubt I'd feel this sane. I'm actually slightly happy about the unknown right now, which is an unbelievably huge step for me. I still ache like a rotten nerve, but I don't want to die and I don't want to be dead while living, so I have to feel and breathe and move and so that's what I'm doing. I'm trying to savor the moments when I do feel love for myself and the world around me. I used to focus ALL my love on this one person and it strangled us both. I never thought love could cause such pain, but it makes sense. It couldn't hurt so much without the depth of love.

But it's not all gone, nor is it all fixed. It's part of the universal ebb and flow, now. Nothing ever truly disappears. I do believe, as does he, that love exists like any other energy, that it can't be destroyed entirely, but it can change. And I know that we still share that love we always have. If only love were enough to pay bills, to pay rent, to buy food, or to make all the darkness go away. It isn't, even though it's unfair to love to blame it for perceived failures. Those failures are within the individual. I feel so awful for not taking my life seriously until now, after possibly losing my best friend for good. How could I have existed as I have for the past two years? It's unimaginable, but it happened and I have to learn from it yadda yadda. Sigh.

I just wish I had close friends. The quiet moments, like now, are so hard. I start to feel so anxious, so claustrophobic, even if I'm outside. Trapped in my mind. Blech. He's got friends to distract himself with. Heck, he probably relishes the lack of emotional compromise. I get that. That shit makes sense. I can't begrudge him wanting to live his life without the black hole of my anxiety. Fuck, I don't want to live like that either. And I guess he knew how much it would take to shock me into getting back into the driver's seat. I love metaphors. I also want to love myself like I never have before. I want to. And I kinda am. These are some of the most extraordinary developments in my life. The burgeoning relationship with sanity.

Anyway. My most exciting goals right now are to find gainful employment and to find feminist/pagan friends.

Things I'm Doing to Keep Sane:
1. DIY Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Catch each negative-irrational thought and render it powerless with positive-rational thoughts.
2. Find the sunshine in each moment, if you can, when you need. Don't forget how it feels, the warmth, the brightness, the comfort. That's when you're loving yourself.
3. Feel gratitude. Toward the world, the universe, the Goddess. Toward change.
4. Take herbs that want to heal you, like St. John's Wort, Skullcap, and the other HERB-that-shall-not-be-named. We are so connected to the plant world, I believe nourishing one another is magick.
5. Meditate. I'm into meditating with the help of I-Doser, this strange little program that interacts with your brainwaves to calm, stimulate, or excite you. I'm not sure if it works like it promises to (does anything?) but I've felt remarkable during my few sessions.

Lists are good. So is this fucking weather. I haven't felt this healthy in ages. Thank you Spring, thank you Goddess. Gonna take the pup for a walk to a park, gonna enjoy the random experiences of the city, and I'm gonna job-hunt and work on Etsy until I feel accomplished. I mean, what I stand to gain from all of this, if I make it through alive, is absolutely thrilling. A dynamic life, one that I actually want and strive for, rather than a meek existence of fear and taking what I could. Bah. No, I don't do myself justice, I know. It's not all this black-and-white.

The fact that we experienced such good things together means that despite all the bad, it is possible to feel exhilaration and love and joy, not just heartbreak. I'm gonna go with that. It's all good. Mostly. Anyway.

Tuesday Without Rain (Finally)

2009-11-17T07:22:00.000-08:00

Eleanor Wood

The Nonist

EbenKling

How marvelous is that collage from Eleanor Wood?

I made the last picture for my sweetheart (the hippie-haired centaur) for our second anniversary many moons ago. I tried to salvage what I could from four years of high school French classes, but I probably botched it, but it's okay because I suspect that between the two of us, I paid way more attention in class. Please pardon the sneaky cat hairs on the frame, which was made by wrapping a thrifted wooden frame with faux suede and then gluing on lace strips. The image was inspired by an old illustration I found in a Dutch Graphic Design book from the 60s. It all turned out way better that I was expecting (note: I always set out with low expectations so I'm always pleasantly surprised) and the faces made me happy. He loved it, of course. If it wasn't out on display it was stowed safely away with his few "special" mementos.

Then I ripped it up after a fight last year and was immediately the world's silliest asshole. Has anyone else ever done something that ridiculous and awful and shameful?

After we calmed down, we picked up all the pieces. I just haven't had the heart to put it back together.

friday with rain

2009-11-14T10:45:00.000-08:00

"Strange" and "sad" sum up my headspace this week. This year. Every year? I just don't think the rest of it means anything without the bittersweet, mind-bending, heart-aching parts. Some people focus more on it, the strange & the sad, and that's just fine. I just wish I were as adept -- adept as say, Rozz Williams, brilliant dark magickman -- at channeling said brainwaves into something helpful. Helpful as in, a psychic hand-holding with other beautifully melancholic minds. Music, images, words, the results of creative transformations nothing short of magick. I like them. Others like them. It's the beauty of being human, seeing, feeling, thinking, appreciating the thoughts, sights, and feelings of others. Why? What's it all for? The infinite unknown? I don't know. And around we go.

My brain is constipated. Bloated, churning gassy, painfully unproductive. Sigh. Brainfart. Sigh.

possibly disturbing thoughts ahead

2009-10-29T12:56:00.000-07:00

You know what absolutely breaks my heart?

That we're living in a patriarchal hegemony, one that fetishizes sleazy sex and rape.

I browse this particular site for movie recommendations of the cheesy, horrific wtf? variety, and usually I'm scanning over lots of Eurosleaze/pornsploitation crap, but this time I happened to catch a glimpse of a Japanese series of movies about -- yeah, you got it, rape. Pure and simple. I've known this stuff existed. And look at today's headlines, it's hard to ignore that it's been a common element of human civilization since genitals were invented. But, um. I almost threw-up. There are positive comments about this film series (from men, I'm totally comfortable assuming) and it's disgusting and it just overwhelmed me that THIS is what pleases many people.

And we're in a patriarchal system. Have been for... well, let's just say it almost doesn't even matter. Pinpointing the switchover would involve discussions of religion and I shouldn't go out of my way to offend the theoretical handful of people who may actually read this. Nevertheless, we are living in a patriarchy that's rewarded the achievements of men for millenia.

And why are so many of these achievements so violent and disturbing in nature? Honestly? Rape-based PORN (fer chrissakes, isn't most porn exploitational enough?) and videogames (yeah, Google it). Rape as exultation in competitions ("I'm gonna rape you, faggot/you got raped!"). Rape as accepted sex act for many misogynistic cultures 'round the world. Rape as daily occurrence for victims of war-torn countries.

Whatever progress is made is continually retracted by the slightest things, such as your son telling his gaming partner that he got raped. By their dueling digital avatars. How does that even make sense?

What could possibly save us from ourselves? Education? Since when has educating the public affected visceral change in individual hearts?

I have no solutions, only a heart-sickness that will follow me to my grave, I'm sure.

Thanks for reading this. Sorry if it hurt you as well.

Oh, and here's a brilliant article from Naomi Wolf about the sad, pervasive effects of porn culture and a transcription of a powerful speech from Rebecca Whisnant. I believe as sex has become less potent and more exploitative, that invoking rape has become less troublesome.
'As Robin Morgan famously put it in 1974, “Pornography is the theory, and rape is the practice.”' Again, I'm gonna blame supporters and blind participants of our patriarchy (particularly men) for this awful, insane mess.

teensy update

2009-10-28T14:38:00.001-07:00

I'm feeling good. People are supporting my strange (and sort of malnourished) little shop, my bearded partner and I aren't stressing each other out as much, we found a sandy-grey tabby kitten next door in the overgrown lot, hiding beneath a smashed car, we just got some sushi from Whole Foods, and we spent the day ransacking Philly Aids Thrift (PATS) for the ugliest Christmas sweaters we could find. As I type, we're listening to Little Richard & Jimi Hendrix's AMAZING record, Together.

If anyone who's made a purchase recently is reading this: thank you to infinity and beyond, you are making my dreams into realities, and I appreciate it more than a non-physical blog entry can say.

The Christmas sweaters, btw, are for our Halloween costumes. Oversized Christmas sweaters, classy red turtlenecks, and bright, tight red & green pants equal an amazing vision. Once we have some fake presents, fake blood and blue face-grease, we'll be set. Yeah, I think the idea is that the holiday shopping season turns people into zombies. Eh? Zombies are a bit too weirdly trendy considering their social commentary, but this just feels right.

Happy -- what day is this? Okay, Wednesday. Happy Wednesday to anyone (anyone?) who's reading this. I hope you don't regret spending these few minutes here.

on my mind

2009-10-27T15:26:00.000-07:00

Matthias Grünewald - The Temptation of St. Anthony
Matthias Grünewald - Temptation of St. Anthony (close)
Peter Max - Outer Space

Sweet Beasts

2009-09-25T05:02:00.000-07:00

Colored pencil, pen, acrylic on watercolor paper

I've been a doodler ("artist") since forever, but I've always struggled to capture my ideas on paper. It's a common struggle, often satisfying, occasionally grounds for depression, but nothing short of human magick, when the feat's been realized. That's why I'm so thrilled about these new creatures that have been appearing, they're small but so perfect (in my brain). It's like: "Oh, you're just how I imagined you!" with an immediate burst of fondness.

a must-have

2009-09-15T06:07:00.000-07:00

Oh man, I could've really used this, like, twelve years ago. Edit: Oh, I found this on Amazon.com; it's only been within the past few years that Labyrinth's gotten its ~~exploitative~~past due line of Ludo plushes and Jareth figures and this -- the official Jareth pendant.

Updates

2009-07-04T23:29:00.000-07:00

Updating the shop with free shipping offers and new original illustrations. Check it out at Fantastic Beasts.

Oh, Dear

2009-07-03T02:25:00.000-07:00

Ray Fenwick (via booooooom)

My new forever favorite.

Oh My Heart

2009-07-03T01:13:00.000-07:00

I'm really liking this site.

Erika Somogyi

2009-07-01T20:28:00.001-07:00

Updates and Timeliness

2009-06-29T21:40:00.000-07:00

I have clearly been neglecting this poor blog. At least I'm able to admit my failings, though that won't add more posts.

Finally saw Grosse Pointe Blank -- library's treat -- and it disappointed me that I hadn't seen it earlier, like when I was in high school and suffering from wild, creative obsessions over various public figures. I didn't understand the John Cusack thing then, not even later when I finally let Say Anything charm the delight out of my too-cynical heart, but it could have been grand, our imagined romance.

Late Night Early Morning

2009-01-04T23:21:00.000-08:00

Listening to Yo La Tengo with the boy as we work on various things. I haven't posted in a while, so I haven't been able to mention how exciting it's been completing my first bunch of Etsy orders. Getting to recycle a lot of salvaged materials for packaging is an immense satisfaction.

I also wanted to share an award-worthy tip I stumbled across while scouring for DIY ways to improve my old camera's macro/zoom abilities. It's a 5.1 megapixel Sony Cyber-Shot and it functions perfectly well, but I've had terrible trouble taking close-ups of smaller, detailed things. I don't have the money to spare for a new camera -- even though they're all cheaper now than what I paid -- so I looked up some alternatives. I found this video tutorial from DPhotoJournal -- although it doesn't really need to be a video. Basically, you take the front lens off an unloved pair of binoculars and sit that in front of your camera's lens when you need to get a crisp, close shot. Fortunately enough, I even had the pair of unloved binoculars nearby. So simple, so life-changing... My excitement in real life was much noisier.

Bike Trip Sunday

2008-12-16T07:32:00.001-08:00

James Castle,
originally uploaded by sokref1.

Yesterday rocked my jelly-buns. We -- the partner duo -- logged another bike trip along the Schuykill River Trail and also made our way to the Philadelphia Museum of Art. I'm mildly horrified by cars when on foot, deeply horrified when inside, and panick-stricken horrified when biking alongside. There goes my chance at being coolly hip, riding a bike in tight jeans. Even tight jeans couldn't keep my mess together. They say you never forget how to ride a bike, which is true I suppose, but the self-conscious nervousness was never a factor as a kid. Anyway.

The river trail is beautiful, despite all the looming concrete highways and 'scrapers and the river's own filthiness. The sun and the cold air and the Philadelphian vibe were just wonderful.

That you can take this trail and wind up at the art musuem is a whole other wonderful. I kinda hate the grandiose museum experience, especially paired with tourists, but since my daily art environment consists of my own silly ideas poorly executed, it was quite invigorating. 'Course there was a touch of nostalgia for my art school days.

I'm ashamed to say I'd never taken note of James Castle's artwork before, but the surprise enounter at the museum was too much like an epiphany to have regrets. I love that. Serendipitous, fortuitous, miraculous moments that punctuate our human blundering. I still can't get around the questions of significance in an apparently insignificant existence, but those bright happenstances keep me feeling delighted about the whole mystery of it. Life.

You can't help but be moved by Castle's soot-ink drawings and cardboard constructions. As I learn more about his life, removed from the world but so fantastically of the world, I think of my own childhood, my current self-imposed isolation, and I feel a deep fondness for lonely human beings. Looking to your own mind for interaction, letting it decide your immediate or immaterial world, existing in a sub-world, I suppose, is such a rare and unique privilege. I'm able to move back-and-forth between these places, but Castle stayed within far longer. The amount of drawings and books and constructions -- what a beautiful, frightening use of the time available to an average human being on Earth.

The return trip home was hard on my puny leg muscles, but then there was a spring roll feast afterward, so it was awesome.

I recently made my first ever Etsy sale, followed by the second, third, and fourth, so I'm delightedly grateful for that. I've been frantically making and re-making different inclusions for the packages, plus learning about what happens after someone does buy something. Whee. I wish I'd started this years ago! Particularly with these worsening economic woes, I think I missed my chance to jump on the Etsy wagon. :) Oh well.

Off to lose myself in carving stamps and making books.

Have an out-of-this-world day, anyone, everyone.

Rings an things

2008-12-01T14:36:00.001-08:00

Last year, I started making these rings and pendants out of my drawings, but stopped because I failed at gluing. Or my glue did. Now I have some heavy-duty epoxy and I plan on finishing more, finally. This ring is an original ink and watercolor drawing protected by a clear cabochon. The settings are silver plated.

Tuesday morning with rain

2008-11-25T05:00:00.000-08:00

Most younglings are daydreamers, it's easier to sweep your own brain off its feet when you're a kid, before "adulthood" turns life into a series of informal business transactions. No, that's harsh. But kids are more imaginative and it causes them less anxiety. I don't think this loss of wonder or the growth of shame are inevitable with age, but a lot of people would have to reexamine and overhaul the experience of living, so it's safe to assume the world of people will continue to move the way it's been moving. Progress, progress, progress, advancement, advancement, advancement. Mantras for all great societies and civilizations. I always wonder about the most advanced civilizations. Did they move underwater or to outerspace? It seems like the proudest achievements of human history mostly end up in dust: "...Nothing beside remains: round the decay / Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare, /The lone and level sands stretch far away." Remarkable poem, that Ozymandias.

This is messy philosophizing without a point, sorry. I was just going with it. And I was considering making a regular horror/cult movie recommendation post, so I wanted to explain my interest in such dirty business, then I wanted to examine imagination and shame and consciousness and societal schizophrenia; but, my intentions always take detours. It makes the days more eventful, but conversations suffer.

Last night, we watched a documentary about David Cronenberg that ended prematurely, but anything about his intellectual process is mesmerizing. Dead Ringers, Scanners, Videodrome, and The Brood, are great, weird brain-food. Ideas about parasitic relationships, mass media and mass schizo-psychoses, existence through willpower, the manifestations of flesh, all presented with a sincerity, or a moral subtlety you can't get on TV. It makes the films more interactive, a necessary collaboration of brains and perceptions.

Gray skies weigh heavily in my head, but there's a beautiful, muddied quality to everything.

Monday Update + Mini Tutorial

2008-11-24T14:31:00.001-08:00

So I found some squares of Primo clay at a thrift store and I wanted to play around. As you can see, I made this gal with clay and a photocopy of vintage artwork. It's funny, I've never used clay outside of a school studio before and I realized there's too much dust and cat hair frolicking around in my room for this to turn out well. But I persisted because I wanted to try out this method for transferring images on polymer clay; I'm a sucker for cheap and easy alternatives.

Via Beads and Beading:

1. Make a shape from clay.
2. Press photocopied image onto clay surface (ink side down), burnishing gently so all your image is contact with clay.
3. Nerve-wracking fun time -- wet the image with cool water (not warm) and gently rub in circles. This should cause the paper to fuzz up into little wet balls which you can rinse off under the sink as you go. Basically, the paper peels away (circular motions work best, really) and the toner-based image is left behind.
4. After all (or most) of the paper's gone, bake the clay according to its directions, generally long enough for your apartment to stink like a plastics manufacturer.
5. Once it's baked, you can mess around with it and the image won't smudge. I painted with some gouache and then sealed the whole thing with a clear acrylic coating.

It was extremely satisfying to rub the paper and watch the image develop. I still don't know what I'll do with one of these finished pieces, but I'm happy with my little success.

Flickr

2008-11-24T13:10:00.001-08:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

Nibble they little feet

2008-11-10T13:50:00.000-08:00

I try to walk around my neighborhood as often as possible, particularly on bright, sunfilled days like today. Living in the city is many things to many different people at many different times and places, but it's so close to me now, like a friend whose constant company is sometimes terrible, sometimes marvelous, and always familiar. I suppose I've lived so long on the edge of impermanence through military-forced nomadism and the shuffling of academic goals that thinking of a place as "home" is scarily, thoroughly delightful, however banal or complacent. This yellow-and-mauve apartment in this old apartment building on this block of South Philadelphia in the city of Whateverly Love has been an everchanging home since January of this year. Damned if it still ain't the apartment I'll die in, or even remain for the next year, but something warm tendrils around every time I set foot in the neighborhood, every time I'm sitting and working in sunbeams, or watching light color all these rowhouses like a carnival.

I guess I always want to remember the way sun filters through the streets here, setting red-brick houses in stark contrast against unnaturally blue skies. Unnatural for the city, because they oughta be smog-grey, right? Maybe they are, but they seem so clear. And the old trees along Broad St., I can see from my window -- they stand so tall and green and they whisper with the wind like they're telling me stories only trees can understand.

Anyway, I figure if I'm this glad to enjoy the sun and the sky and the trees and the air and the rain while I'm a citydweller, wandering to actual skyscraper-less, building-less environments should burst my aching heart.

I was here yesterday

2008-10-31T08:56:00.001-07:00

And I'm here again today. Here, of course, is where I am. I've come to it late, but there's always time for a beginning. Case in point: the near-spiritual renewal of my lifelong creative dreams and the inchoate journey of this blog, a personal-yet-publicized chronicle of my fantastic, beastly life.

Oh, life, sweet and cruel thing that you are.

Odd, perhaps, but I am so fulfilled by these two words: “fantastic” and “beast”. One or the other was always at work in my childhood. The sprawling fantasies born of tightly clutched paperbacks and of too much time spent alone daydreaming; or, the fears, enormous and beastly, that left their shadows on my body, but which have made me all the stronger. Now, as an adult child and recovering consumer finding her place in this often shameful world, I am nothing but grateful that I lived in my head all those years. It's quite homey there, always a refuge, always an inspiration, always a chaos of beginnings, middles, and ends. I don't know. I want to share certain things with the world, but maybe it's like leaving a sign: "I was here." At least. Still, there are a lot of beautiful minds and beautiful intentions out there, and it sure would be grand to explore and -- do I dare -- leave tracks. Virtual ones. Which is ironic, maybe. Virtual tracks. How strange.

I hope you'll continue to read here in the days to come and that it makes your thoughts wander/wonder.

Thank you for letting me be here.